I find that I’ve met a lot of people in my life who are, essentially, superficial. This is disappointing.
I admit I have been superficial at times in my own life, to other people, more than once. I have been caught up in gossip and rumor and appearances, looking to these things as the sole source of satisfaction and worth. Since turning 20! (I always refer to my age with an exclamation point, because each year I get older is a means of celebration that I did not somehow manage to get myself killed through my previous 365 days of existence. This is a miracle that stupefies me.) I came to the realization that people do not make you happy. People disappoint you and often cause you to regret ever becoming close with anyone, let alone telling them your deepest and darkest secrets. I’ve had so many secrets told in my short time alive that I have come to the conclusion that the only way possible not to have your secrets told, is to not do anything in life that warrants keeping your actions a secret. This is my new life motto.
When I was around age 13-18, I hung out with the most cliche group of young adults. There were the pretty girls that every boy around was in love with. There were the stupid boys who didn’t have a clue that every girl was in love with them. There were the immatures and the “think-they-are-wise-beyond-their-years.” Jocks and hot-to-trots. Dicks and whiny pricks. I’ve seen it all. Where did I fit in these categories? Um…how about the slightly okay looking, sort of chubby, wise cracking “best friend.” The Duff.
Hahahahaha okay okay not the Duff. I have enough self respect to realize that now. But in all honesty, I really was the “best friend” type. Meaning everyone – boys and girls alike – were my “best friend”, but I was never theirs. Allow me to elaborate:
You ever had a friend who you were like “yes, we’re best friends! I choose you as my friend above friends!” and they were like “Yeah me too! Except you’re like second on my list, because *Sara* is already my best best friend?
Yeah…I was that person. It was always a the three musketeers, never Holmes and Watson. A word to the wise: If anyone tells you that you’re not their best best friend, after you tell them that they are yours, dump them immediately. You are special and do not deserve to play second fiddle to another person’s ego. Put an ad in the paper and continue the search for high-quality best friendom.
Now, this does not mean that you can’t still be simple, bottom of the totem pole, just friends with the other person. In fact, that kind of friendship is easy and has no pressure! It’s the best. It’s the bottom of the totem pole, after all. It’s the base. It holds relationship status’ together. But there is nothing like having a best friend. *sigh* I had a best friend once. Then she turned into a back stabbing, psycho bitch! LOL but really. Three years and you think we’d mean a lot to each other but one day she decided she’d rather have *wealth* and *status* and *class* over little ole me. That’s fine, I’m really okay. To each his own.
No, I’m crushed. I finally found a best best friend, and then she decided I wasn’t worth her time. I wasn’t interesting anymore. I wasn’t funny anymore. Truth of the matter is, I was and still am interesting and funny. Her perception of me has changed, and I just wish she would say those words instead of being a fake little prat. Hence the point of this post and people being fake.
Why I am *so* ultimately frustrated with my ex-best friend is because I miss her. I miss what we had and the fact that I can’t pin-point the exact time and place that it all started to go wrong. If I had to pick, I’d say it was when we went on a 3 day road trip together to see two of my favorite celebrities on tour. She bought me the tickets for my birthday. I think that trip started to show us our differences, and how she was changing, and I was not. There is nothing wrong with change, but deep down inside, I think she’s upset that she’s not the same person, and therefore isn’t interested in me anymore. I wish she would just accept this instead of trying to make me fit into her new mold of what a good friend should be. I could go on for hours and hours about what she does now that frustrates me. All the nitty gritty details of her new obsessions and lifestyle choices. But I’m not going to do that. I’m not going to do that because picking on another person’s traits is not going to make me feel better, or bring back the old best friend I had. I need to accept who she is and be okay with the fact that the person she is now is not someone I desire to keep around in my life. If she had been this person the day I met her, we wouldn’t ever have become friends in the first place. So I really need to act like it’s all starting over, except with a different ending I may not like
Letting go is so hard. Especially when you know you’re making the right decision but it’s not what you want to accept as best. People can be toxic, and so many people we meet nowadays are so fake. If I could tell you one thing it would be to save your words for the people who really mean something to your life. Don’t call someone your friend if you’re not sure you’ll get along in the future. Don’t call someone your best friend if they’re not someone you could see in your life 15 years from now. Don’t say “I Love You” if you’ve only got butterflies and not rock-solid truth. Be careful with your words. Give them out like your heart-strings. You’ve only got so many, and you can’t afford to lose them.
Why are people fake? Because they are human. They lie and cheat and steal, but they also ask forgiveness. They grow and change and mold themselves to the time and the place they are put. Don’t forget to give a little grace and spare some kindness. But remember to let go if you must, because at the end of the day, you must do what makes you happy, and do what’s best for you.
es ist was es ist,