for better or for worse

You fear, sometimes, I do not love you so much as you wish? My dear…I love you ever and ever and without reserve. The more I have known you the more have I lov’d. In every way – even my jealousies have been agonies of Love, in the hottest fit I ever had I would have died for you. I have vex’d you too much. But for Love! Can I help it? You are always new. The last of your kisses was ever the sweetest; the last smile the brightest; the last movement the gracefullest. When you pass’d my window home yesterday, I was fill’d with as much admiration as if I had then seen you for the first time. You uttered a half complaint once that I only lov’d your Beauty. Have I nothing else then to love in you but that? Do not I see a heart naturally furnish’d with wings imprison itself with me? No ill prospect has been able to turn your thoughts a moment from me. This perhaps should be as much a subject of sorrow as joy – but I will not talk of that. Even if you did not love me I could not help an entire devotion to you: how much more deeply then must I feel for you knowing you love me. My Mind has been the most discontented and restless one that ever was put into a body too small for it. I never felt my Mind repose upon anything with complete and undistracted enjoyment – upon no person but you. When you are in the room my thoughts never fly out of window: you always concentrate my whole senses.” – John Keats

~

Recently, I became engaged to the love of my life.

I don’t know about you, but I believe in love at first sight. You can only really believe it once it happens to you. I used to be a skeptic, but once the love of my life walked into the room and we locked eyes, I knew. He is everything I ever dreamed of and more. He is smart, sweet, funny, nerdy, sexy, goofy, and kind. He’s got great abs too! Man, I really hit the jackpot with this one. Of course, if I said he was all those things to his face, he would deny it. He is a humble one, my man.

Our love story isn’t that *exciting* or *dramatic* if those are words you would choose. But it is our love story so it’s just perfect enough for us. After we first met, I pined after him for a year and a half (those were obviously the worst days of my life.) Then, one day I must have been annoying enough that he thought asking me out would shut me up! Haha, kidding, kidding. He asked me out to coffee and well, it’s been many cups of coffee shared since then. We love all the same things such as music, coffee, poetry, literature, theatre, and art. He’s a real renaissance man. (That’s actually the farthest thing from the truth! He is the guitarist in a metal band, and the drummer in an emo rock band. The renaissance part is hidden inside.)

I used to believe I would never get married, or want to get married. But when that one person comes along and floats into your life, you really have no choice but to give into the wonderful experience of falling in love.

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Also: I said “I love you” first and he said “thanks” back, so I think I win an award for “most dedicated and unperturbed lover.” Luckily for me, 4 months later he said “I love you” too and I finally got to say it back (since I didn’t dare utter the words again with the kind of response I got the first time!)

I guess I should try to be serious at least a little on this subject. If I were to say one thing about love, that I would hope someone would listen to and take to heart, it would be this: Love is commitment, and a one shot, hit or miss deal. When you say “I do”, you are saying for better or for worse. You’re saying, “if you turn out to be someone other than the person I thought you were, it doesn’t matter. I will stick by your side forever because I promised I would. It doesn’t matter if anyone else comes in my life who I think is cute or smart or funny. They’re not you. They aren’t the person I said yes to forever with. You are my one and only love and that’s just how it is.” So don’t say “I love you” and don’t say “I do”unless you are willing to commit yourself to a lifetime with the one person you want by your side.

Yeah, it’s terrifying. That’s why I don’t take it lightly. I’m scared do death to say “I do” on my wedding day, but I’m more scared of being alone, and sad, and having an empty life. I’m more afraid of those things than thinking I’ve made a mistake in my choice of companionship. Luckily for me, I’m madly in love with my man, and even when we argue and disagree, we love each other enough to work through it in preparation for our future. It’s always been worth it. He’s always been worth it.

I wish you the best in your romantic endeavors. Love is never in vain. Don’t give up, and remember to respect yourself enough to find someone who loves you like they should.

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.” – Ray Croft

Es ist was es ist

c.w.

 

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