losing my best friend

Summers eve and all was well with the world

you were filled with laughter, your smile was a light;

you thought I was special, and thought I was kind

I never felt better than stood by your side.

We shared so many memories and moments;

I cherished them all, they were delicate, small.

I held all my hopes like butterflies in my hands;

you were a hope I had rested upon.

“We’ll always be friends, forever and ever

not even oceans can separate us.”

“I promise it back,” I’d said so assured.

“I’ll always be there for you, no matter the cost.”

The promises spoken were true for a while

through Christmas to birthday to Christmas again.

Then one day we travelled to places so new

and time together became wishes for time apart.

You didn’t like this thing I did;

that thing that you never saw before.

Uptight and tense, I did not like your tone

of how you would say “no time, let’s go.”

7 hours home and you were so quiet

you did not like the sound of my voice.

I did not make you laugh, I was no longer funny;

my smile, I did not get one back.

And now we were home and you said goodbye,

to your family you must see.

I said “talk later” but later did not come

I did not see you again for several weeks.

We went out to lunch, I made the same jokes

I had always made around you.

But instead of smiles and laughs I’d receive

a cold and unwelcoming sigh.

I did not have fun around you anymore,

you always had something to say of my ways.

All the food I ate, funny, the drinks I’d make, gross

and my clothes were distasteful and plain.

I stopped saying hi to you from that day on

and I stopped playing cool when you’d mock me.

I stopped being nice and asking you out

I stopped making jokes to be funny.

I stopped writing letters, I stopped making calls,

I stopped coming by in the morning.

I stopped all the likes and the comments online,

and I stopped saying your name out in public.

And all that time I thought all I did

would make an impression, to cause you to think.

Then I find out, in the cruelest of ways,

your true feelings about me this time.

You never noticed when I said hi

and you never noticed my silence.

You always had an excuse in your pocket

in case I would ask you out.

You didn’t think life was all that too funny

unless you were laughing at someone’s expense.

You tossed all my letters,

you “missed” all my calls,

because you were too busy to talk in the morning.

You never saw all my likes or my comments

because you deleted the apps on your phone

“time is to precious to waste it online”

and therefore disregarded my profession.

And though I am hurt, I am not all alone

you were not my only succession.

I have many friends who actually like me

and care about my reputation.

And if you’ll allow me to say a few things

I really must let you know

that your Michael Kors and your Dior foundation

can’t fill the void in your soul.

No matter the cost of your blonde balayage

or the Tiffany ring on your finger,

no matter how often your mommy and daddy

tell you they love who you are,

if you can’t be good to the people around you,

unless you get something you want,

you’ll always be searching for the next best thing

and darling, it never will come.

Now that I’m gone and away from your life

You’ll never know if I miss you

and because of the person that you’ve become

you’ll always assume that I do.

The truth is I don’t think about you at all

except to sigh sadly and say,

“I wish that my best friend would find out a way

to be happy without being cruel.”

I’m sorry I wouldn’t be mean to others

just to make you laugh.

I’m sorry I didn’t compliment

that 300 dollar purse you bought.

I’m sorry you don’t like the person I am

or what I am doing with my life

but the point is it’s my life and none of your business

so please step out of the way.

If you decide that people mean more

than the material things that you own

I promise I’ll be waiting to hear you say

you’re sorry for being that way.

But because I know you as well as myself,

I know that day will not come

because unfortunately I have seen

the way you have done this before.

You assume it’s the world that needs to say sorry

for stepping on your toes

but the world doesn’t care if it messes your hair

or if mommy and daddy say “no.”

I hope you remember the good things in life

when you think back on this time

instead of regret for wasting your time

by not making friendships that last.

Your boss won’t care if you’re at her wedding

and she won’t text you once you quit.

If that’s the friendship you think will last

then I hope it’s a perfect fit.

Goodbye to the memories I thought that we shared

you burned them so long ago

Goodbye to the person I thought that I knew

you were before you decide to grow,

to grow up into someone who had no time

for fun or laughter or smiles

who thinks that happiness can be bought

down the Chanel perfume isle.

I’m sorry to say that I won’t be waiting

holding my breath for you to come back.

I won’t beg you to keep me

because did you know?

Your opinion doesn’t define my worth.

Your opinion doesn’t define my worth.

Your opinion doesn’t define my worth.


 

© 2017 C.W.North – All rights Reserved

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